Am I Safe?

Not sure if what’s happening is normal?

You don’t need a label. You just need support.

What type of relationship is this about?

Romantic Relationship

What can a healthy, unhealthy, or unsafe relationship look like?

A healthy relationship can look like

Respect, trust, honesty, shared decision-making, and room for both people to be themselves.

Examples

Respecting boundaries
Being able to say no
Trust
Having your own friends and interests
Honest communication
Supporting each other’s goals
Feeling comfortable disagreeing
Making decisions together

Things to pay attention to

Patterns that leave you feeling pressured, monitored, guilty, or responsible for keeping the other person happy.

Examples

Excessive jealousy
Constant arguments
Needing to know where you are all the time
Pressure to respond immediately
Repeatedly ignoring boundaries
Making you feel guilty for seeing friends
Feeling like you have to “keep them happy”

Things that may be abusive

Threats, intimidation, violence, sexual pressure, isolation, or controlling your choices or access to other people.

Examples

Threats or intimidation
Physical violence
Sexual pressure or ignoring consent
Controlling who you see
Monitoring your phone or location
Isolating you
Using threats about their own safety or yours to control your choices

Ask yourself

Can I be myself around this person?
Can I say no without being afraid?
Do I feel respected even when we disagree?
Do I feel free to have a life outside the relationship?

Family / Home

Home should feel physically and emotionally safe.

A healthy relationship can look like

Safety, respect, reasonable privacy, support, and age-appropriate independence.

Examples

Feeling physically safe
Being able to express feelings
Having reasonable privacy
Being treated with respect
Having basic needs met
Being able to make age-appropriate choices
Having trusted adults you can talk to

Things to pay attention to

Frequent fear, humiliation, unpredictable rules, isolation, or feeling responsible for an adult’s emotions.

Examples

Constant yelling
Being frequently insulted or humiliated
Extreme or unpredictable rules
Being isolated from people who support you
Feeling responsible for an adult’s emotions
Being scared to make normal mistakes

Things that may be abusive

Violence, threats, sexual abuse, serious neglect, or being blocked from necessary care or safe support.

Examples

Physical violence
Threats
Sexual abuse
Serious neglect
Being prevented from getting necessary medical care
Being threatened with harm
Being prevented from accessing safe adults or help

Ask yourself

Do I feel safe at home?
Is there an adult I can talk to?
Am I afraid of what will happen if I tell someone?
Do I have somewhere safe I can go if I need help?

Friendship

A healthy friendship makes room for respect, trust, and independence.

A healthy friendship can look like

Mutual respect, trust, support, boundaries, and freedom to have other friendships too.

Examples

Mutual respect
Trust
Supporting each other
Being able to have other friends
Respecting boundaries
Apologizing when someone messes up
Celebrating each other’s successes

Things to pay attention to

Jealousy, punishment, guilt, or expectations that make you feel trapped or responsible for the friendship.

Examples

Constant jealousy
Excluding you to punish you
Gossip
Guilt-tripping
Expecting you to always choose them
Getting angry when you spend time with someone else
Making you feel responsible for their happiness

Things that may be abusive

Threats, blackmail, harassment, humiliation, or using private information to control or frighten you.

Examples

Threatening you
Blackmail
Intentionally humiliating you
Sharing private information or photos without permission
Harassing you
Threatening violence
Using secrets to control you

Ask yourself

Can I have other friends?
Can I say no?
Do I feel like I have to earn their friendship?
Do I feel safe telling them how I feel?

School

The connections you have at school should be healthy and safe.

This can include relationships with friends, classmates, teachers, coaches, and administrators.

A healthy school relationship can look like

Respect, appropriate boundaries, and adults who take concerns seriously.

Examples

Respect
Appropriate boundaries
Feeling safe speaking up
Being able to ask for help
Adults taking concerns seriously

Things to pay attention to

Repeated exclusion, rumors, harassment, or boundary-crossing behavior.

Examples

Repeated exclusion
Rumors
Cyberbullying
Harassment
Someone repeatedly invading your personal space
An adult behaving inappropriately toward a student

Things that may be abusive

Threats, violence, sexual harassment, stalking, persistent harassment, or misuse of authority.

Examples

Threats
Physical violence
Sexual harassment
Stalking
Persistent harassment
An adult using their position to manipulate or exploit a student

Online / Digital

Digital relationships should still respect your privacy and boundaries.

A healthy online relationship can look like

Privacy, consent, boundaries, and the freedom to disconnect.

Examples

Respecting privacy
Respecting boundaries
No pressure to respond immediately
Asking before sharing photos
Being able to log off
Having separate online and offline lives

Things to pay attention to

Pressure to stay constantly available, share passwords or location, or explain every online interaction.

Examples

Constant messaging
Expecting your location
Asking for passwords
Getting angry when you don’t respond
Monitoring followers
Jealousy about likes or comments

Things that may be abusive

Threats, blackmail, stalking, impersonation, tracking, or sharing private material without permission.

Examples

Threatening to share private information
Sharing intimate images without permission
Blackmail
Tracking your location without your knowledge
Impersonating you
Persistent harassment
Threatening or stalking you online

Next steps could include

Blocking the account
Reporting the account or content
Saving evidence, if it is safe to do so
Telling a trusted adult
Contacting law enforcement if you are in immediate danger or a crime may have occurred

You are not alone

If something doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

You deserve to be listened to, supported, and safe.